Speaking in Tongues

Yes, I spoke in tongues.

When I was a teen, I got involved with a group called Teens for Christ in my town, and it happened that most of the leadership and the kids were from a local Assemblies of God church - this is when I went from being a Baptist kid to a Pentecostal kid, much to the chagrin of my mother, who thought pentecostals (pew jumpers, she called them) were about a thread away from non-Christians. She allowed them to be in the fold in her mind, but they stayed on the peripherals. To her, Pentecostals and Charismatics were not focused on Jesus, but on emotions.

I always questioned that - did God give us our emotions? Then why in the world were we supposed to suppress them? Getting "emotional" in my neck of the Central Midwest was apparently too showy. We were tough - we didn't show our emotions outside the family, and rarely within it. I was a fish out of water, being the emotional creature I was.

Because of this - and in spite of my mother's warnings, I began to study about these "emotional" things. So many of these leaders I loved and respected believed in the "gifts of the Spirit," such as tongues, prophesy, words of knowledge, etc., I sought after them. I remember crying and struggling at special meetings, asking God to take control of my tongue so I could speak in this spiritual language (I remember thinking other people did sound silly when they did it, or like they were babbling, but it still seemed like a real experience for many).

I saw people who spoke in tongues, and had tears pouring down their faces, as if they were having a real experience with God. This bothered me, as scripture seemed to say that if you didn't have an interpretation of the tongues, you should be doing it in the privacy of your own home and not in public where others might just be confused by the whole thing. (My paraphrase)

I also thought it was strange, as my scripture seemed to say that the tongues that the disciples got were actual languages, which they used to preach to people of other languages and dialects, though they themselves did not know what they were saying. So I was taught that there were "two types" of tongues - that kind (the other languages, which nobody I ever met had ever done) and this other kind (the spiritual tongue, between you and God - the "tongues of men AND angels", as 1 Corinthians 13 mentions briefly).

While the interpretations still niggled at me and were bothersome to my intelligence, I was properly brainwashed, and desperately sought from God that I would be able to speak in that "heavenly language." An evangelist I loved used the word "glossolalia" - which means speaking in tongues - and being fascinated with words, I was hooked.

So, I prayed and struggled, and cried. And finally one night, I was just told "let go - stop struggling" - so I did, and I opened my mouth and began to speak syllables that I had not heard before. I was so elated that I began to cry (which people took for me being touched by the Spirit). I repeated the same "phrase" many times, but figured more of it would come in time - though deep down, I doubted and kicked myself for doubting. Of course I began to have "more words." Anyone who practices something will show growth. Over the years, it niggled at me a lot, that doubt that I was saying anything at all real, but I continued to pray "in tongues" especially when I was totally out of words to pray in English. God didn't seem to be listening to me much in English, so I figured maybe the Spirit would get better results.

I remember listening to myself at times, and thinking, "This is just babble," but I chalked that up to the enemy trying to instill doubt in me and kept on going. I remember feeling guilty that prayer in tongues often led to me feeling sleepy, or that another part of my mind would be putting together the grocery list or worrying at some other problem at the same time.

I was also interested in othe gifts that were mentioned, such as prophecy and words of knowledge. I myself was known, when in ministry, to give words of knowledge to people. Most of the time, it was just very insightful advice - it SEEMED like it was from God, because it DID fit the person's situation. But examining it myself, I realized that it would have fit nearly any situation of a person in the same type of need. All it took was reading the cues.

For example, there was one woman in our church who came to church every Sunday, but her husband did not. He also had heart problems, and she would request prayer for for him often. He was a nice guy, and she loved him very much, but she worried about his heart and his weak relationship with God. One day she was up at the altar praying. I just knew what she was praying for - I thought it was God, when I went to her and said, "Honey, no matter how much you pray for God to take that from him and give it to you, because you're stronger, He won't do that. You're not Jesus. You can't be his Savior."

That is just what she wanted (and maybe needed) to hear, and it actually helped her not to be struggling so much about it. But it was all purely psychological intuition on my part. So I'm good at reading people. That's why I'm in the mental health field. It's intuition.

So, I went this way for a long time, but right about the time I talked to that woman, I was starting to NOT believe what I was teaching anymore. I was listening to the "tongues" and it sounded like a lot of babble. I heard "shandala" a lot - must be a good babble word. I heard it from a LOT of people. Could we ALL be speaking the same stuff? Did that prove that it was God, or that we were just all learning to babble better?

Oddly, since my de-conversion, and now identifying as a naturalist (I don't care for atheist as it still defines me in religious terms, but I suppose it's the best word), I could still walk into any charismatic church and let loose with a string of 'tongues' that everyone would believe was God. I could probably give you a good interpretation, too, though it would be even more fun to allow someone else to give it. Why? Because anyone can "babble" out what sounds like a language. Check out the hot girl on the movie The Fifth Element. She babbles quite nicely, and it sounds like SOMETHING.

When I was a teenage, my stepfather once mocked speaking in tongues (while mocking me) and said he should go in and speak in his other language (he was raised Amish, so spoke Pennsylvania Dutch, a german dialect) and pretend it was tongues. I remember being SO offended by that.

I could give a "word of knowledge" with very little to go on - why? Intution - paying attention to words, body language, emotion.

Any of it - from tongues, to prophecy, to words of knowlege, all of that ephemeral stuff that flits in and flits out - can be faked - and done by a non-believer. Yes, folks, this non-believer can still speak in tongues. Easily, and sounding just like I did back then. I could still give "words of knowledge" to people if I wanted as well.

Guess those things must be "of the devil" now?