New God Kills Em Video Game!

No, to my knowledge there isn't one, but just imagine it! I was watching a friend play a new Auto Stealing, Hooker beating game the other day, and thought, that's nothing compared to a "Kill 'em All and let God Sort 'Em Out" video game. We know that all those parents hate for their children to be playing other violent video games, or listening to violent music, but they sure want their kids to read the bible. This game would spark their interest.

Think about it. You play different kings, shepherds, prophets, judges, and eventually God, and it is your job to determine who is "chosen" and who is not, and slaughter the people that aren't. Imagine this scene:

You start as a small Village leader and you hear that a small group of worthless rabble in the neighboring village is encouraging other villagers to go astray and worship foreign gods. You must follow the mandate of the Lord to get to the next level:
Suppose you hear in one of the towns the LORD your God is giving you that some worthless rabble among you have led their fellow citizens astray by encouraging them to worship foreign gods. In such cases, you must examine the facts carefully. If you find it is true and can prove that such a detestable act has occurred among you, you must attack that town and completely destroy all its inhabitants, as well as all the livestock. Then you must pile all the plunder in the middle of the street and burn it. Put the entire town to the torch as a burnt offering to the LORD your God. That town must remain a ruin forever; it may never be rebuilt. Keep none of the plunder that has been set apart for destruction. Then the LORD will turn from his fierce anger and be merciful to you. He will have compassion on you and make you a great nation, just as he solemnly promised your ancestors. "The LORD your God will be merciful only if you obey him and keep all the commands I am giving you today, doing what is pleasing to him." (Deuteronomy 13:13-19 NLT)

Cool - you don't just get to slaughter pimps and ho's, but you get to kill everybody, down to the last baby and even the livestock. Then, you get a big bonfire at the end. When you finish that level, God will be merciful to you and give you more power for the next level, where you'll be a PROPHET.

In this level, you are a Prophet of the Lord, strong and muscular, and wandering the wilderness and such. Think Riddick in a loincloth. Then a bunch of kids start following your character and calling you "baldy" - you have to figure out how to slaughter those kids for teasing you the way they did. If you know scripture, you'll get it, otherwise, you'll die of shame and have to repeat the level:

From there Elisha went up to Bethel. While he was on his way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him. "Go up baldhead," they shouted, "go up baldhead!" The prophet turned and saw them, and he cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two shebears came out of the woods and tore forty two of the children to pieces. (2 Kings 2:23-24 NAB)

See how that works? Not only do you have fun, but you learn how God operates in the Bible!

In this game, after each level, you become a higher level character, until eventually, you are GOD. In the final level, being God, you get the biggest slaughters of all. More blood and guts than any level, because you get to kill pretty much everyone. You kill all homosexuals, all fornicators, all witches, all pagans, all people who do not listen to the spiritual authorities, all atheists, all women who are not virgins when they marry, all fortune tellers, any kid who hits his or her dad (guess it's okay to beat mom, so watch out, you don't want to lose points by killing the kid who is hitting his mom), anyone who blasphemes, any tens of thousands who look into the Ark of the Covenant (that's a cool graphics section, way better than Indiana Jones' take on it), any man who tries to keep the Ark of the Covenant from falling (even though he was trying to do a good deed), and all liars.

It's great! I can't wait to play it, can you?